A friend once mentioned that she had a very nice boyfriend in college whose company she enjoyed, but when it became clear that they weren't meant to be together for life, they mutually and immediately broke it off.When I first encountered that idea it seemed unnecessarily strict, but now it makes a lot of sense.“Sometimes they lived solely for the kid or other spouse and think, ‘It’s my turn now.’ Sixty or 70 isn’t old nowadays.” “They look at each other and say, ‘I have more good years.Why should I spend it with someone I don’t love or even like?Then my husband and I changed our religious beliefs, and though we're still in touch with many of our old friends, we've increasingly found ourselves in social circles where most people are religious.
In secular circles, it was commonplace for couples to move in together as soon as their relationships got serious, often not getting married until years later. Living together (the thinking went) had the advantage of saving money on rent, and gave couples a much-needed opportunity to see if they could happily live under the same roof before making a bigger commitment.
According to a Pew Research Center report from March of this year, the divorce rate for married people in the US age 50 and older is now about double what it was in the 1990s.
And, according to data from the National Center for Health Statistics and US Census Bureau, the divorce rate for those 65 and older tripled from 1990 to 2015. When seniors divorce, it tends to be less acrimonious, and, with people living longer, they don’t want to spend their retirement years in an unhappy union.
When you cohabitate, you're implicitly saying that your future marriage isn't valuable enough to be worth tough sacrifices -- and that sets a dangerous precedent for when you do take the next step in your relationship.
Combine that with point #1 about drifting toward engagement by default, and it puts a crack in the foundation of your relationship that could take years to fix, if it doesn't spread and get worse over time. It limits your options Most of the religious couples I know adhered to the idea that they'd never date someone whom they weren't interested in marrying, at least not for long.
“I thought I was in it for the long haul.” Divorce isn’t just for middle age anymore.