I don’t have energy for him, I don’t want him to see me because I feel useless, or maybe I feel like I don’t have time.
Skyping becomes something I dread doing, instead of what used to be the highlight of my day (earlier in step 3). One or both parties start to replace their significant other with something (another person, a hobby, or extra work). Resentment causes fighting and even more depression.
To make it work, I think you need to understand exactly what happens in a long-distance relationship. It’s that first stage, right before you leave, that you tell them “don’t go.” It can be anything from “Just stay for a couple more hours” to “Push your flight back a couple days, I will pay the difference.” It is that first stage of panic, tears, and anxiety of separation. Each flower took about 20 minutes to make (at least), with another 10 minutes attaching it to something (a hair clip, hair band, or pin). You see, the problem with replacing your loved one with a hobby or craft is that it is taking up the energy you used to devote solely to your significant other.
I’ve notice they follow four general steps: Denial, Short-term depression, Loneliness, and Acceptance. In a four week period, I spent almost 60 hours making cloth flowers because I felt lonely. So, not only are you physically too far apart to see each other (which makes it much harder), by throwing yourself into a project, you are also making yourself emotionally unavailable.
They hide from their own weaknesses by trying to make others weak.
It helps if you can see them at least once a month.
For those who are abused, it is important to remember, the abuse received seldom has anything to do with them. One of the hardest things to realize is one has little to no influence on making deep or lasting changes in the abuser.
Even if the abusers wants to change, they seldom want to put any real effort towards changing. They stick around hoping they can fix things and often end up blaming themselves for the state of the relationship.
If you can’t – just keep the date you get to see them again someone in plain view (like taped to the back of your door or on the refrigerator). Every time you visit each other, the cycle repeats from step 1. Final thoughts: Relationships are not easy, but long-distance relationships are especially challenging. I’ve been in a failed long-distance relationship (where I was putting in more effort than he was) and it was incredibly frustrating and painful. I understand not wanting to break up because you love them, but you have to realize that every day they spend in a long-distance relationship, they are sacrificing opportunities (job, friends, potential lovers) to stay with you.
If you really love each other and are 100% committed to making it work, regardless of the cost, then you have hope. My failed long-distance relationship only lasted about a month and a half and the entire time I thought there was something wrong with me.
For me, this stage usually lasts between a couple minutes to all day (depending on whether it is going to be a couple days or a couple months until I see my significant other). It doesn’t necessarily mean that you are replacing them with another person; it is also common to replace a loved one with a hobby, job, friends, clubs, or horrible reality television (like Toddlers in Tiaras, Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, or Judge Judy).