I’m not going to say whether these women are right, although THEY certainly feel they are.I will say that men, for all their flaws, are equal opportunity daters in a way that women are not.Let’s just say that this wasn’t one of my success stories.And this is where we bump up against one of my limitations of a coach.And that is something I do – I look specifically for empathy.And guess what…on those very rare occasions when the idea of kissing/sleeping with someone is not downright unappealing, they’re cold and narcissistic, and so I walk away.
I’m therapied out and no longer diagnosable – I’ve made a massive recovery and feel extremely healthy – so I don’t think more therapy is going to suddenly make me find more men attractive.
Very attractive woman – a 43-year-old personal trainer who hated online dating for the very reason you mentioned. When we went through the website to take inventory, I asked her to put 40 guys on her favorites list. The only 6 guys she found attractive looked like 32-year-old GQ models whose preferred age range was 22-29.
My client was pretty much out of luck because she found less than 1% of men attractive, including NO men her own age who wanted her in return.
I’ve recently been following two stories on Madame Noire regarding black men and their dating choices. ’ ‘She’s only with you because of this.’ It’s sad because honestly if anybody knows me, all the girls I’ve dated, I’ve dated girls who’ve been as black as Akon and white as Casper. She could be blue, green or yellow and it would have been her.” [SOURCE]So here’s two very public examples of black men getting flack for dating light skinned women and non-black women. Black women also get the pushback when we date interracially, so isn’t it even? There are four key differences between black men getting criticism of their dating choices rather than the other way around. Patriarchy allows for men to date and marry anyone they want.
The first was a piece about a self-proclaimed “dark skin activist” calling out Kendrick Lamar for having an extremely fair skinned fiancé. Despite all the complaining, guilting, lip smacking and neck rolling, a black man will ultimately and unapologetically do whatever the hell he wants. Check out the last 40 years of black men dating and marrying non-black women. Yeah, that’s happening, despite any objections their mammas, sisters, and jilted black girlfriends and ex-wives have to say about.
However, I’m also aware having been through a lot of therapy after numerous and significant mental health difficulties (eating disorders etc.) that I tend to date cold or unavailable men and then not ask for more and maintain that emotional distance – essentially, I seem to have been in a habit of avoiding intimacy by going out with people I don’t find attractive, or more often than I’d like to admit, men who I know are gay before I even ask them out…otherwise they’re narcissistic or give mixed messages, or aren’t close in some way etc.